I haven't written for a while, despite writing (mentally) in my head and knowing this essay post was guaranteed to be next.
It's written at 2am on the 2nd day of 2024 - so happy new year (the date stamp just felt cooler - forgive me).
The past couple of months of working on Casa
have been complete with frequent blurs of emotion, often in day & night cycles (as has been the case with me for years frankly).
For me that's meant days torn between guilt (when not working) and drive, as I focus on progress, followed by nights of being wildly inspired and creative.
This day & night shift has been normal to me (and possibly you too).
Just extra "brain vibes" in the dark.
Lately my emotions are less like a game of pong and
more like hungry hippos - the cycle is now just my "creativity toggle".
Below I'll write briefly about fear, ambition and related thoughts 🪶
All a bit wordy and extra, so if you don't have time - thanks for reading
the Promenades Aériennes
The first modern roller coaster (200+ years ago in 1817) was simple, novel and provided a thrill.
Three-wheeled carts went down two adjacent curved tracks at high speed.
As modern as these rides have become the cruxes are pretty similar; the instability, fear, speed and frequency of change contribute to riders chasing the thrill.
For many reasons optimists and pessimists alike (plus everyone inbetween) all get on board assuming to both survive and leave exhilirated.
These past months have been my Promenades Aériennes (aerial stroll). I know the future (especially for property search) looks different, but I can't tell you
where 200 years leads us.
I know the riders of the first roller coaster probably didn't ride the 50th.
We age, we move on, maybe our emotions get more predictable?
Some buy supercars, some ride horses, some realise roller coasters aren't for them?
The only guarantee is they all got to experience the ride and made what they could of it - whether they closed their eyes the whole time or stayed awake at 2am writing blog posts (in their notebooks of course 😉)
fear and fire
I once alluded to how a fire under the ass isn't always good. Part of learning to control the heat is confronting fear.
I noticed that when I turn down the heat, when the ride slows down a little, my brain will start thinking...
"oh how would ___ look in an interview"
"how would you respond when asked about ____"
"____ looks good for your career"
As I write this it's easy to see how stupid these thoughts can be as a founder with high conviction and clear vision.
I don't know if it's due to the environment of interviewing being so frequent during university (and life more broadly) or hearing others' experiences
or just feeling like I have to have an answer for my existing actions.
It's still too early to know if these kinds of negative thoughts are helping or hindering decision making, but I figured i'd write about them.
This repeating day dream of interviewing with a random face, going through decisions, contrasts all the "bullish" thoughts around frictionless property search... maybe that's why it feels strange.
For now I put it down to the mind being conscious of the fire.
When it's torching you, you don't have time to think about the second-order effects of being in the fire. By controlling
the heat the mind finds time to introduce this "what if" reaction.
If you're starting the founder journey, you're aware that taking the leap will involve these sorts of ups & downs, but it should not feel like panic more than fear.
